his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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