ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
