And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
