I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
