ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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