Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
