return my video game
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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