life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
