god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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