i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
