Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
