I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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