Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
