Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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