I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize