It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
