i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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