Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize