Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
