fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize