He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
