my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
