Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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