Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
