Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize