You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you would pick up someone in the library
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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