I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
