Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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