cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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