since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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