So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
