I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
