The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
