You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
