Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
