Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Text me some of your sweat
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
