3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
