I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
