So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize