He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
