Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize