Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize