She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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