you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
