FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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