there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
