Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
