So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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