quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
