I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
