dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
