You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
