she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
