Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
this hospital has no fireball
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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