i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
