my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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