the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
