who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
