all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize