You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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