lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
