You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
