this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize