he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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