Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
